It still bothers me to see things from this fractured friendship. A note, a message, even a simple phone number. It sets off an inner fire inside that is ready to detonate and explode with rage at seeing the things that I counted on as a friend but truly were just what I call “front facing bs” now.
Meaningless items that to some can be tossed aside and disregarded but to me it is painful and will take time to get over. I’ve said it out here before-I’m hurt. I thought I could rely on my friend to always be there but I learned the hard way and found out that they just lied to me all along. They broke my trust bubble and now when I meet new people I am constantly wary of becoming a friend or letting them into my inner circle. This person has left a deep scar on my life and it is taking a while to heal. With each item I see that reminds me and it isn’t like I keep a box of items around from them these things just pop up, like an email address or a phone number you can’t find them all at once, but when they pop up you see them and little explosions set off.
I know one day I will be numb to it all, but for now the pain is real.
Daily Prompt: Detonate
What is final?
Is it being done and walking away? Is it completing a race and never returning to the sport? Is it finishing a project and putting away the tools?
There are a lot of ways that we define final but do we ever really mean final and walk away from it all or is there something in the back of our minds that always pulls us back and never lets us go completely. I say this because we do another race, we pick up the tools to do another project or tweak a program and we never walk away entirely.
Final is never final no matter how we look at it. I’ve tried and I wish it were easier. We move on and we do something else, go somewhere different, do another run with a new group, change the tools or the project but we never really can close the loop and call it final. I think it is just a part of life.
Someone said to me this statement:
“It may not be any of my business but I really think you should talk to your family.”
They are right it is none of their business. There are reasons why I don’t talk to specific members of my family due to situations they have put me through in my life. That doesn’t give this person the right to tell me they feel I should talk to them.
I get that they have lost their parents, I have lost my father as well.
I get that they have had a member die in their arms, I have not had that; however I have been there for them for all of their painful moments in their life. I cannot say the same for this person. When I was going through the loss of my father they refused to be there for me- it was too painful for them, it was too raw. So I sought out others who were there and who still are. When I had a biopsy recently I reached out thinking they would be there to ask if I needed anything or to check in on me- I got nothing in return.
I have written here about one way streets, give and not getting, being used and always being the one who provides. Well now here is my sentiment,
It is none of your business what I do.
Free at last from the shackles of a friendship gone bad. Never let anyone hold you down. Not even someone you thought was a friend.
Yarn. It can be soft, coarse or stringy. When taken in one of those forms one can transform it into something beautiful much like life itself.
Our lives are like a ball of yarn. We can unwind it to the very end and never allow it to amount to anything. It can unravel and we can wind it back up slow or fast depending on what happens throughout our lives. Or, we can take it and form it into something that is useful, is beneficial to not only us but to others. We can become doctors, lawyers, caregivers, parents, educators, social workers, firefighters. Anything in this world we can be- the ball of yarn can become whatever we decide.
We may struggle at times and our ball may be get used and life may throw us a curve but don’t give up on your ball of yarn. Continue to use the rest of it and make the most of your yarn because you never know what life changing experience will help shape your life and complete your experiences down the road.
It is up to each of us to make our ball of yarn what we want it to be. What will your ball of yarn become or what has it become?
Sometimes we need a pause in our lives. We need to stop everything and either reset or delete. I know I do, and lately that is exactly what I have done. I pushed pause and now I’m pushing delete.
I look at it like my email, you can either keep it for a while if you need to review it longer or put it in your trash can. Some things in life aren’t worth your time to keep around in your life and you just need to throw them away. People aren’t worth keeping around and you need to throw them away.
So pause and delete. Simple, easy, efficient. Spring cleaning at its best really.
Daily Prompt: Pause
There are so many times that I have gone over things in my head and come up with nothing regarding my fractured friend. Lately though it has become apparent that it really doesn’t matter. They will never show their true feelings, be upfront, honest, real with me. They hide behind their glasses and their books and their profession- they will never tell me what they feel or what they really want.
It is meaningless to me to have been friends with them for so long and yet I still remain constant in their lives. This time though I walk away for good.
So long, have a nice life. It’s been interesting at best.
Daily Prompt: Meaningless
I have this desire to reach out and contact my fair weather friend who has the ability to be a jerk and treat people horribly. I know it is wrong to do and I should really be held back. Again, it is a ‘desire’ that I have yet I have not done anything in the past month so I really don’t know how desirable it is any longer.
Maybe it is just to say, ‘you really can’t treat people the way you do’; or maybe it is to prove that I am still alive! Whatever my reason is I have a desire to do it.
I am not sure when, but it would be nice close the door soon.