The dreaded Dilemma

Not expecting it but again I had contact. I don’t get it and maybe I am not suppose to. Is it because now my friend is feeling hurt and lonely because I am not there? I’m not there to pick up pieces and brush them off to put them back together? I can’t be. It hurts too much. What hurts more is the contact this time came on Christmas. I wanted to cry and I wanted to throw my phone so I couldn’t respond because I know that is what they wanted. They know that I can’t resist the ‘do what is right and say Merry Christmas’. Oh how I loathed them when I saw the message. Oh how I was angry but I waited. I waited until I was ready to send a message. 

Now I sit and wonder if I should have. Now I wonder if it will happen again here today on New Years Eve. Will I once again get the same type on contact? This is crazy, why can’t they just talk to me? I try and put distance between and do nothing and they pull me back in. I feel like I am doomed to be their toy forever. 

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