The last nerve 

You’ve heard me rant and rave about my fractured friend. The lack of compassion, willingness to share, be there when I need them, etc. it doesn’t happen to everyone maybe just those who let it and I know some may think I am being too “negative”, but after the years of letting them treat me like this and having always been by there side it has hit my last nerve. 

I’ve tried to be patient, kind, forgiving, and nothing has changed. They still always need their time, space, and feelings get hurt by the smallest of things. What about my feelings? How about how I feel? Oh that’s right I don’t count. Frustrating at best so instead of working myself up into a complete agitated state with them or being mad and feeling like my blood vessels are going to explode- I’m out. 

Now who are they going to count on when they need that person to talk too. It’s going to be a tough one for them. My nerves need a break. 
Daily prompt: Nerve

Friendship: Proceed with Caution

Friend. We all have a friend or two who is phenomenal. Can’t say enough good about them. Love them to pieces. Then there is always a ‘friend’ whom we need to get rid of-  Drop them like a bad penny. 

I’m at that point in my life right now. I’ve written off a friend just recently and I don’t even think they will notice it. In fact give it a couple weeks to a month and they will probably email with a ‘hey how is it going?’, and I won’t be responding to that account any longer. It’s sad really what this friend has done to me. They’ve destroyed a good friendship, trust, companion and now will have no one. 

I know some people will say that I really am cruel for giving up so easily but I didn’t mention here that it’s been a 13 year battle with this person. Nor did I mention that everything was always for their benefit never mine. Let me give you an example, a family member of theirs passed in September and my father went into the hospital in October, I reached out to talk. I got nothing back. He was in the hospital for a couple months and when it came down to the time he was about to pass I really needed someone and I reached out again, this is what I got in return ‘I can’t talk about this right now’. Really? My father was about to pass and you can’t talk about it? So I reached out to another friend who was there, consistently on the phone because they understood what I was going through. Another example for you, this individual has asked me to review their CV or a scholarly paper now and then for anything that might be missing. Do you think in the credits I’d get a thank you? Nope. When I turn around and ask for something like advice or time to talk over things I get ‘I don’t have time really I’m busy’ or ‘What do I get out of it?’ So you see when I say that I am giving up on a friend, I am giving up on a friend who has used me.

So when I see the word friend I see the word caution. I trusted for a very long time and was destroyed and would hate for anyone else to go through that. Yes my lovely friends are great but I am still cautious because of one person who I have now cut free from my life. 

Daily Prompt: Friend

My 30,000 foot window

There is something about looking out a plane window that gives me perspective on things. At least for me on my last trip I thought about the following things. 

One-there is so much beauty all around us that we take too much for granted. We really need to stop and take more time to cherish what is right in front of us and appreciate all we have.

Two- I’ve realized that we need to slow down and spend more time with the ones we love. I’ve worried too much about those who are less important in my life lately and not about the ones who are. It’s time to reflect on everything and focus on family.

  
Three- Start something new and get rid of the old. It is spring after all why not toss the old out and begin on a fresh footing. 

So from 30,000 feet welcome to my window.

Daily prompt: window

The Chapter is Closed

I have finally closed a chapter in my life after many years. It was time. I needed to no longer be treated like someone who didn’t matter, who was just there to be that someone who has always been there for others and no one was ever there for me. I needed to finally walk away from those who take and never give back. I have no fight left in me to carry on.

I know that it isn’t going to be easy for some time but these last couple days I feel liberated, free, at rest. I am finally no longer wanting to reach out for advice or wonder if I matter at all to them. Friends don’t treat friends the way that I have been talked down too or treated and I now realize that because I have been mistreated this way I too need to go back and apologize to some friends for how horrible I may have been to them. But not this one particular person. There is no way that I will open that chapter of the book again. I am done with that portion of my life and feel better for ending the fight to keep it alive.

That chapter has officially been written and I am officially closing it for good. I’m moving on to better, brighter, more positive role models and friends in my life.

Daily prompt: fight