The Blues

When you walk away from someone although it is an instant gratification that they are gone, there is a period of time that you are down and for no other word to describe it-blue.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t go and look at my email. I wouldn’t. For two weeks now I have stayed away from my email and I’ve for the most part been fine but today something drew me to it. I laugh now but when I opened it earlier it was empty. I miss the interaction and I miss the every now and then conversations. I feel cold without the interaction but deep down I know that it is the right thing. They were a horrible person overall to me and even though I have had my moments of complete loss (7 step process of grief) I know it is the right thing to do.

There are the blues though and I can’t shake them. They are cold, gloomy and they follow me around lingering in the shadows.  I need something to get me through it all.

If I can only shake these feelings and moments of emptiness. If only.


Being off point and getting in touch with yourself

We go through our lives thinking that we know people and then we get a reality check. We don’t really know people at all. We have been fooled by them or we have been fooling ourselves into thinking that they were something more or something other than what they really are. It is really too bad.

I’ve come to realize lately that someone that I thought was a “nice” person, a “good” person is really just someone who uses others for their own gain. They are someone who puts themselves before others and never really cared about me at all. It took just a couple words for me to realize that it truly was a waste of my time after all these years.  It may seem strange to some for the words that I am about to put here but the words are “you were off point”. I was.  To me, it meant that they really didn’t care about what I was talking about. They weren’t following the conversation and were likely annoyed that I even brought anything up to them because all they really cared about was if I was going to “provide” for them in some other way. It dawned on me that it wasn’t right. I couldn’t be treated like this any longer. The chains were finally being broken from this friendship and I can walk away from it. “I was off point”. How many other things over the years was I off on?

I was steaming for a while but it really just set in that this person was not worthy of the person that I have been to them. They had no idea what I have given to them for years and years. Friendship, companionship, trust, myself, listening, empathy, etc. I now have a message for them because they have done nothing for me. They haven’t been there, they haven’t given me anything compared to what I’ve given them and no matter what happens from here on out- I am free.

They lost a good thing. Don’t talk to me for days, weeks, months. That isn’t my problem. I played by the rules and I did everything I knew how to. I can do no more for this friend. Yes it is hard to cut the cord but at the same time it is such a good feeling to let go.

Has anyone ever felt like that? If so share what you’ve felt. Have you been told you were “off point”.

Desire to walk away

I haven’t posted in a while because i have been super busy and well-things have been going well. However here is what I have now.

 I actually thought that things had changed between my friend and I. I thought my friend had come around and was ‘better’. Didn’t use me for what they wanted and was a changed person. I was no longer the one who was always reaching out first. Today even was the first day they said they’d call me, but I was wrong. I was played again. I am tired of being made out to be the doormat. I know you all are saying, ‘just walk away. Your friend is not worth it.’ You are probably right but I still want to know why. Why do they do this to me. What did I do to them to make them treat me like this? Why do they do it? Does that make sense?

It troubles me and I know I shouldn’t let it get to me but it digs deep. 

What do others do?