It still bothers me to see things from this fractured friendship. A note, a message, even a simple phone number. It sets off an inner fire inside that is ready to detonate and explode with rage at seeing the things that I counted on as a friend but truly were just what I call “front facing bs” now.
Meaningless items that to some can be tossed aside and disregarded but to me it is painful and will take time to get over. I’ve said it out here before-I’m hurt. I thought I could rely on my friend to always be there but I learned the hard way and found out that they just lied to me all along. They broke my trust bubble and now when I meet new people I am constantly wary of becoming a friend or letting them into my inner circle. This person has left a deep scar on my life and it is taking a while to heal. With each item I see that reminds me and it isn’t like I keep a box of items around from them these things just pop up, like an email address or a phone number you can’t find them all at once, but when they pop up you see them and little explosions set off.
I know one day I will be numb to it all, but for now the pain is real.
Daily Prompt: Detonate
What is final?
Is it being done and walking away? Is it completing a race and never returning to the sport? Is it finishing a project and putting away the tools?
There are a lot of ways that we define final but do we ever really mean final and walk away from it all or is there something in the back of our minds that always pulls us back and never lets us go completely. I say this because we do another race, we pick up the tools to do another project or tweak a program and we never walk away entirely.
Final is never final no matter how we look at it. I’ve tried and I wish it were easier. We move on and we do something else, go somewhere different, do another run with a new group, change the tools or the project but we never really can close the loop and call it final. I think it is just a part of life.
Someone said to me this statement:
“It may not be any of my business but I really think you should talk to your family.”
They are right it is none of their business. There are reasons why I don’t talk to specific members of my family due to situations they have put me through in my life. That doesn’t give this person the right to tell me they feel I should talk to them.
I get that they have lost their parents, I have lost my father as well.
I get that they have had a member die in their arms, I have not had that; however I have been there for them for all of their painful moments in their life. I cannot say the same for this person. When I was going through the loss of my father they refused to be there for me- it was too painful for them, it was too raw. So I sought out others who were there and who still are. When I had a biopsy recently I reached out thinking they would be there to ask if I needed anything or to check in on me- I got nothing in return.
I have written here about one way streets, give and not getting, being used and always being the one who provides. Well now here is my sentiment,
It is none of your business what I do.
Free at last from the shackles of a friendship gone bad. Never let anyone hold you down. Not even someone you thought was a friend.