Someone said to me this statement:
“It may not be any of my business but I really think you should talk to your family.”
They are right it is none of their business. There are reasons why I don’t talk to specific members of my family due to situations they have put me through in my life. That doesn’t give this person the right to tell me they feel I should talk to them.
I get that they have lost their parents, I have lost my father as well.
I get that they have had a member die in their arms, I have not had that; however I have been there for them for all of their painful moments in their life. I cannot say the same for this person. When I was going through the loss of my father they refused to be there for me- it was too painful for them, it was too raw. So I sought out others who were there and who still are. When I had a biopsy recently I reached out thinking they would be there to ask if I needed anything or to check in on me- I got nothing in return.
I have written here about one way streets, give and not getting, being used and always being the one who provides. Well now here is my sentiment,
It is none of your business what I do.
Free at last from the shackles of a friendship gone bad. Never let anyone hold you down. Not even someone you thought was a friend.
Yarn. It can be soft, coarse or stringy. When taken in one of those forms one can transform it into something beautiful much like life itself.
Our lives are like a ball of yarn. We can unwind it to the very end and never allow it to amount to anything. It can unravel and we can wind it back up slow or fast depending on what happens throughout our lives. Or, we can take it and form it into something that is useful, is beneficial to not only us but to others. We can become doctors, lawyers, caregivers, parents, educators, social workers, firefighters. Anything in this world we can be- the ball of yarn can become whatever we decide.
We may struggle at times and our ball may be get used and life may throw us a curve but don’t give up on your ball of yarn. Continue to use the rest of it and make the most of your yarn because you never know what life changing experience will help shape your life and complete your experiences down the road.
It is up to each of us to make our ball of yarn what we want it to be. What will your ball of yarn become or what has it become?
Sometimes we need a pause in our lives. We need to stop everything and either reset or delete. I know I do, and lately that is exactly what I have done. I pushed pause and now I’m pushing delete.
I look at it like my email, you can either keep it for a while if you need to review it longer or put it in your trash can. Some things in life aren’t worth your time to keep around in your life and you just need to throw them away. People aren’t worth keeping around and you need to throw them away.
So pause and delete. Simple, easy, efficient. Spring cleaning at its best really.
Daily Prompt: Pause
There are so many times that I have gone over things in my head and come up with nothing regarding my fractured friend. Lately though it has become apparent that it really doesn’t matter. They will never show their true feelings, be upfront, honest, real with me. They hide behind their glasses and their books and their profession- they will never tell me what they feel or what they really want.
It is meaningless to me to have been friends with them for so long and yet I still remain constant in their lives. This time though I walk away for good.
So long, have a nice life. It’s been interesting at best.
Daily Prompt: Meaningless
I have this desire to reach out and contact my fair weather friend who has the ability to be a jerk and treat people horribly. I know it is wrong to do and I should really be held back. Again, it is a ‘desire’ that I have yet I have not done anything in the past month so I really don’t know how desirable it is any longer.
Maybe it is just to say, ‘you really can’t treat people the way you do’; or maybe it is to prove that I am still alive! Whatever my reason is I have a desire to do it.
I am not sure when, but it would be nice close the door soon.
When you walk away from someone although it is an instant gratification that they are gone, there is a period of time that you are down and for no other word to describe it-blue.
I promised myself that I wouldn’t go and look at my email. I wouldn’t. For two weeks now I have stayed away from my email and I’ve for the most part been fine but today something drew me to it. I laugh now but when I opened it earlier it was empty. I miss the interaction and I miss the every now and then conversations. I feel cold without the interaction but deep down I know that it is the right thing. They were a horrible person overall to me and even though I have had my moments of complete loss (7 step process of grief) I know it is the right thing to do.
There are the blues though and I can’t shake them. They are cold, gloomy and they follow me around lingering in the shadows. I need something to get me through it all.
If I can only shake these feelings and moments of emptiness. If only.
We go through our lives thinking that we know people and then we get a reality check. We don’t really know people at all. We have been fooled by them or we have been fooling ourselves into thinking that they were something more or something other than what they really are. It is really too bad.
I’ve come to realize lately that someone that I thought was a “nice” person, a “good” person is really just someone who uses others for their own gain. They are someone who puts themselves before others and never really cared about me at all. It took just a couple words for me to realize that it truly was a waste of my time after all these years. It may seem strange to some for the words that I am about to put here but the words are “you were off point”. I was. To me, it meant that they really didn’t care about what I was talking about. They weren’t following the conversation and were likely annoyed that I even brought anything up to them because all they really cared about was if I was going to “provide” for them in some other way. It dawned on me that it wasn’t right. I couldn’t be treated like this any longer. The chains were finally being broken from this friendship and I can walk away from it. “I was off point”. How many other things over the years was I off on?
I was steaming for a while but it really just set in that this person was not worthy of the person that I have been to them. They had no idea what I have given to them for years and years. Friendship, companionship, trust, myself, listening, empathy, etc. I now have a message for them because they have done nothing for me. They haven’t been there, they haven’t given me anything compared to what I’ve given them and no matter what happens from here on out- I am free.
They lost a good thing. Don’t talk to me for days, weeks, months. That isn’t my problem. I played by the rules and I did everything I knew how to. I can do no more for this friend. Yes it is hard to cut the cord but at the same time it is such a good feeling to let go.
Has anyone ever felt like that? If so share what you’ve felt. Have you been told you were “off point”.